Well, the anti-Chick-fil-A thing sort of backfired, now didn’t it? Yep, the rabid gay crowd thought they were going to shut CFA down, but instead their fascist demands that Chick-fil-A’s Presidente Dan Cathy repent of his free speech actually catapulted the fast food chain into record profits. Cha-ching!
I have one word for that homo faux pas of trying to stifle a private company’s free speech, it’s: Ahahaha. Boy, you guys really read the pulse of the American people … Not.
Now, I will give the onerous gay activists this: Aside from the huge boom in ammo sales since Obama was elected, their boycott of Chick-fil-A actually spurred the first definitive economic stimulus of the Obama era. Muchas gracias.
Look, I knew this anti-free speech/chicken sandwich protest was going to go south when frickin’ Rahm Emanuel and Edwin Mah Lee got out in front of it. They represent America about as much as I represent PETA. I kept waiting for Mugatu from Zoolander to pop out and join them by slaughtering live chickens in a Foghorn Leghorn outfit while dancing to “Do You Really Want to Hurt Me” in front of some Chippendale boys. But, alas! It didn’t happen. Who can I sue?
If there’s one thing I know about Americans it’s that they love Chick-fil-A and free speech. I guess that would be two things. And Americans peacefully showing up in the hundreds of thousands last Wednesday to Chick-fil-A restaurants from sea to shining sea showed anyone with a lick of sense that Americans are not quite ready to bow and kiss the ring of a special interest group that wants to mitigate other people’s rights to freedom of expression just because they don’t kowtow to theirs.
Which brings me to this query: What’s up with this BS that we’ve got to agree with someone’s view of gay sex before we can buy or sell chicken sandwiches? When did that edict get passed? We’re damn close to making Seinfeld’s Soup Nazi look like the most rosy, easygoing consommé ladler around.
And finally, how come the gay activists got their national dander up over Chick-fil-A’s exec not being down with Brad and Chad getting engaged, yet I haven’t heard them say diddly squat about their intentions to stage a national “Kiss In” at any American mosque or give the hundreds of black pastors who vehemently oppose gay marriage the same crap they’ve been giving Chick-fil-A. What’s the matter? You’re not scared to take them on, are you? You’re not chicken, are you?
I think this past August 1st is a foretaste of what’s coming this November 6th. It’s all about freedom for all, baby, and you dudes don’t get it. But Americans do. And they showed up in droves and waited in hot lines for hours to demonstrate they will not be bullied.
Check out my latest video: “An Immoral, Lazy and Stupid Church Helps America’s Enemies.”
Anyway I’m thinking the editorial discussion about this week’s cover, or at least the out loud thinking, went something like this: Hey groovers, Obama came out in favor of gay marriage. So, yay. We live for these moments. Not because we give a crap about gay marriage other than the fact the we’re ideologically “for it” on account of the fact that it seems to still be among the latest liberal-leftist things to glom onto, and it seems like the young cool cats still dig it, and because it’s another fantastic distraction away from Obama’s almost complete failures as president, but because this choice we’re making for our latest cover will just drive those conservatives a**holes and the “Christian right” simply mad. They will openly exhibit more of their hilarious moral outrage, and we liberals and progressives on the left will all have a great big laugh at their expense. (Hopefully nobody will notice how un-”inclusive” we all are, am I right?!) And all the other club members in the liberal media will hail us as heroes – not because we’re prepared to sacrifice the journalistic standards of Newsweek and journalism generally even more than we already have, but because ultimately, our brave choice will help the progressive cause, and in the process, Obama will come out looking like a saint to us liberals and progressives (we’ll craft is such that is does, with that Godly halo thing that all the idiots fall for!), and it may help him win back the rest of our voting block. And also, all the other idiots in the media will plaster our cover all over the place and raise our May newsstand sales for us!






















