Gay Marriage Will Make Future Mother’s Days Quite Perplexing

0
79

I think I speak for most heterosexual males when I say I’m not homophobic but chick-o-centric. Let’s keep it positive, okay? It’s not that we dislike gays … it’s just that we really like girls. It seems no matter how long we spend in PC rehab compliantly undergoing the most stringent psychotherapy to rid ourselves of our knee-jerk to your mate choice, the simple fact is that heterosexual guys don’t “get” gays.

Heck, we don’t understand women. What makes you think we’ll ever understand a man who doesn’t like women yet acts like Richard Simmons? You just rifled right over our heads. In addition, not only are most men incapable of comprehending what a man sees in another man, we also don’t care to try to because The Bucks of Tecomate is on—so can we all just shut the hell up with the gay stuff and watch David hammer a ginormous 12-pointer with double drop tines?

Please, PC police, you’re wasting your time on the heterosexual tribe trying to get us to green light that which is incomprehensible to us. Just like the homosexual, we are quite happy with our sexual bent and our own world, so leave us alone, por favor.

Now, this doesn’t mean that heterosexuals be hatin’; it simply means we’re focused on women, which by fiat causes our paths of camaraderie to part. No, this is not a phobia and doesn’t mean we have a Clay Aiken voodoo doll. It’s just the funk of nature from which there is no evolving.

Speaking of evolving, this week Obama “evolved” in his opposition to gay marriage. That’s rich. The next thing you know he’ll have his hit men at WaPo try to pitch Mitt as a gay hater by citing a sketchy incident from Romney’s high school days. What? They just did? See, I told you so. And call me weird, but I’d be careful, folks, with any “evolution” on matrimony that parts paths with the Son of God’s definition of marriage (Matthew 19:3-9). But that’s just me—and 98% of people inhabiting the earth from time immemorial.

That said, in the spirit of continuing diplomatic relations with homosexuals, you, the gay person, have to help me out a little bit. If girls are so icky and men are so mondo-jovial, why do you and a lot of your reps take on feminine mannerisms and dress? I would think that if you were going to be gay you would at least be a man about it.

It’s the same thing with many lesbians. I don’t get you. When I hear you speak it’s always, “Men suck. Men are beasts. Women rule,” yet some of you ladies dress and act like men. You wear men’s Dockers and Polos and have a short man’s haircut. You look more like Al Franken than you do a woman. One would think that a lesbian would embrace femininity in all its glory kinda like Al Gore cuddles junk science. Where am I going wrong?

And lastly, when it comes to the topic of gay marriage I don’t have a problem with it unless, of course, Liza Minnelli remarries David Gest. I am vehemently opposed to allowing that circus to come back to town.

Seriously, I don’t have a problem with gay marriage as long as you don’t call it “marriage,” taxpayers don’t have to pay for it, and you inform us up front who the “female” is in the relationship. (Should you decide to adopt, that detail will assist us in buying Mother’s Day gifts for the special … uh … um … man.) Which brings up another imminent cultural conundrum: I guess we’ll soon have to dispense with Mother’s Day altogether, right? It’s either that or retail stores will have to modify their Mother’s Day product lines to accommodate the gents now on the list.

Geez … evolving is complicated.

Previous articleObama’s Angels
Next articleNewsweek hits bottom of ditch, keeps digging.
Doug Giles is the man behind ClashDaily.com. In addition to driving ClashDaily.com, Giles is a popular columnist on Townhall.com and the author of the book Raising Righteous & Rowdy Girls. Doug’s articles have also appeared on several other print and online news sources, including The Washington Times, The Daily Caller, Fox Nation, USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Examiner, The Blaze, American Hunter Magazine and ABC News. He’s been a frequent guest on the Fox News Channel and Fox Business Channel as well as many nationally syndicated radio shows across the nation — which, he believes, officially makes him a super hero. In addition, Doug is an occasional guest host on New York City’s WABC (The Jason Mattera Show) and he is a weekly guest, every Friday at 7:45am[et], on America’s Morning News (155 markets). Giles and his wife Margaret have two daughters: Hannah, who devastated ACORN with her 2009 nation shaking undercover videos, and Regis who is an NRA columnist, huntress and Second Amendment activist. DG’s interests include guns, big game hunting, big game fishing, fine art, cigars, helping wounded warriors, and being a big pain in the butt to people who dislike God and the USA. Speaking Engagements. Doug Giles speaks to college, business, community, church, advocacy and men’s groups throughout the United States and internationally. His expertise includes issues of Christianity and culture, masculinity vs. metrosexuality, big game hunting and fishing, raising righteous kids in a rank culture, the Second Amendment, personal empowerment, politics, and social change. For availability, please contact us. Props. “Doug Giles is a good man, and his bambinas are fearless. His girls Hannah and Regis Giles are indefatigable. I admire the Giles clan from afar.” - Dennis Miller “Doug Giles must be some kind of a great guy if CNN wants to impugn him.” - Rush Limbaugh “Doug Giles is a substantive and funny force for traditional values.” - Ann Coulter, best-selling author “Doug Giles speaks the truth … he’s a societal watchdog … a funny bastard.” - Ted Nugent, rock icon “Doug is funny and insightful. Giles is always spot-on with his analysis and so incredibly hilarious, as well. Whether you’re 15 or 50, if you love God and America, Doug Giles is for you!” - Jason Mattera, NYT best-selling author of Obama Zombies and Editor-in-Chief, Human Events “Doug is a raucous and rowdy mix of old-school, traditional conservative values with the kind of eff-you attitude folks like Ted Nugent have made millions on. He’s one part rebellious rock star, one part crusading missionary, and another part rough rider.” - S. E. Cupp, NYT best-selling author of Why You’re Wrong About The Right and Host of The S. E. Cupp Show on GBTV.com