Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Biden

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“When a wise man has a controversy with a foolish man,
the foolish man either rages or laughs, and there is no rest.”

—Proverbs 29:9

I was going to title this column, “How Not to Be a Smarmy, Bellicose, Horse-Toothed Dork Like Biden.” However, upon deeper contemplation I thought I’d direct it toward parents as an attempt to save the next generation from the insufferable effects of the boorish Biden bug.

To call Biden an ass-clown after last Thursday’s debate with Rep. Paul Ryan is to insult bottoms, donkeys and Bozos far and wide. I’m surprised Joe didn’t fart loudly and then say, “What can you and Romney do about that?!”

Aside from Biden’s steady stream of steamy scat (which was debunked nanoseconds after it tumbled off his forked tongue) his disrespectful antics on deadly serious subjects during the debate made him eclipse Al Gore as the all-time winner of the Ignoble Douche Prize. I bet if Joe could’ve licked himself like a dog he would have done it last Thursday night. Twice.

Oh well, what can you expect from someone who says the passing of Obamacare is “a big effing deal,” or who canoodles with biker chicks on the campaign trail, or who blurts out when he’s drunk that SEAL Team 6 killed Osama, breaching security and leading to fatwas being put out on their heads (and those of their families)?

Not only have Obama and Biden wrecked our economy, but they have also morphed our highest office in the land into an unfunny SNL skit. Hopefully, they’re destined to only “one season.”

Now, to make certain parents don’t yield up blights like Biden, make sure, mom and dad, that etiquette—even in debate—is part and parcel of your kids’ hard drive. You’re the only one who can make this happen, so pay attention to the bullet points below to guarantee your kids don’t follow our vapid Veep’s conduct.

-Never exaggerate.
-Never point at another.
-Never betray a confidence.
-Never laugh at the misfortunes of others.
-Never give a promise that you do not fulfill.
-Never speak much of your own performances.
-Never make yourself the hero of your own story.
-Never fail to give a polite answer to a civil question.
-Never call a new acquaintance by their first name unless requested.
-Never attempt to draw the attention of the company constantly upon yourself.
-Never exhibit too great a familiarity with a new acquaintance, as you may give offense.
-Never fail to tell the truth. If truthful, you get your reward. You will get your punishment if you deceive.
-Never fail to speak kindly. If in any position where you exercise authority, you show yourself to be a gentleman by your pleasant mode of address.
-Never attempt to convey the impression that you are a genius.

And for those who think my disdain for Joe’s juvenile behavior is rank partisan perturbation, his own party’s cheerleaders derided him for his derisive behavior. Check it out:

– NBC News’ David Gregory: “Biden’s smile is out of control.” (David Gregory, Twitter Feed, 10/11/12)
– NBC News’ Mike O’Brien: “Biden really has to rein in his mannerisms.” (Mike O’Brien, Twitter Feed, 10/11/12)
– CNN’s Piers Morgan: “Joe, seriously, STOP SMIRKING. This is serious stuff. Be Vice-Presidential.” (Piers Morgan, Twitter Feed, 10/11/12)
– CNN’s Gloria Borger: “It was condescending at times, to Paul Ryan and I think I could’ve done with a lot less eye rolling and chuckling on the part of Joe Biden.” (CNN’s “Inside The Spin Room,” 10/11/12)
– Bloomberg’s Josh Barro: “Biden smirk is … not good.” (Josh Barro, Twitter Feed, 10/11/12)
– NBC News’ Betsy Fischer Martin: “Biden constant smiling is reminding me of Gore constant sighing in 2000.” (Betsy Fischer Martin, Twitter Feed, 10/11/12)
The Washington Post’s Chris Cillizza: “Ok. I have decided. I find the Biden smile slightly unsettling.” (Chris Cillizza, Twitter Feed, 10/11/12)
The Washington Post’s Aaron Blake: “Biden making lots of noise/motion while Ryan is talking.” (Aaron Blake, Twitter Feed, 10/11/12)
– WPHT Philadelphia’s Chris Stigall: “Biden laughs like this is a game. Disgraceful.” (Chris Stigall, Twitter Feed, 10/11/12)

Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be Biden.

For an arsenal on raising classic kids, check out RaisingClassicKids.com. Also, check out our latest video: Clash on The Campus: Inside The Mind of Young Voters (Yikes!)

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